Recently, I just turned 30 (holy heck, how did that happen?!) and I’ll admit: I was absolutely terrified for it.
For most people, entering their 30s signifies a whole range of “fun, grown-upy” stuff, from independence, living out on their own, sometimes owning a piece of property, marriage…and starting a family.
You know where I’m going with this.
The week leading up to my 30th birthday, I was in a fit of anxiety. While my boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 6 and a half years now, I couldn’t help feeling a little “stuck” with where I was in my life. I may be 30 now, but I still live under my parents’ roof, still striving to get a better job at work, and still struggle with my own independence. Not to mention, when we do finally decide to get married, it’s the starting-a-family thing that is eating away at me.
A few months before my 30th, I was at a yearly visit with my family doctor and for the first time, brought up the possibility of IVF with my boyfriend in the future. She was very patient and kind, saying when the time was right, we could definitely be referred to a fertility clinic. However – to keep in mind – that these things take a lotta time.
I should’ve had some idea. It seems like waiting for things is my lot in life. As a kid, I was rarely, freely handed anything. If I wanted the hottest toy or the newst movie, I had to wait for my birthday or Christmas to get it. If I wanted new shoes, clothes for school or even a new laptop, I had to wait or work for it, while it feels like those around me were handed items on a whim. Even if I ever wanted to become intimate with someone, I had to wait for treatment first.
Waiting, waiting, and more waiting.
I fear for my road ahead as I enter this new decade of my life. There’s no question about it that it’ll be a hard one and I always have a million thoughts buzzing through my head: Will I be ok? Will my boyfriend and I be ok? How long will this all take? Can we afford it? And will it even
work? How am I going to handle pregnancy announcements? Baby showers? First birthdays? The endless pictures and over-the-top sappy quotes on social media? People asking me when it’s my time? What their “suggestions” will be? Etc.
Even now just thinking about all that has got me overwhelmed!
Turning 30 for an MRKHer can certainly mean a whole flood of other things most people don’t have to go through, but it doesn’t have to be all one big struggle. I do look forward to the day when I can have a place of my own, when I can claim my space and independence, quiet time with my boyfriend, marriage, and starting our own family – however way that happens. In the end, I know it’ll work out and be worth it.
A young woman from Canada living with MRKH, a rarer infertility condition. Chronicling my journey, experiences, and unique challenges, follow along as I tackle on the world in the best way that I can!
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